From the Pastor's Heart
Long, long ago I remember being the ring bearer in a wedding for one of my cousins. I’m not really sure what my age was but I must have been about three or four. During the rehearsal, all went well and I had lots of fun playing with my other cousins but on the night of the event it did not go the same. There I was at that dramatic moment ready to walk down the aisle with all eyes on me. To this day I can remember the feeling of everyone’s eyes. Inside I froze at the thought of other people’s expectations and thought that somehow I was not doing it right. My feet felt like lead and each step kept getting harder and harder and I thought I would never get to that altar. I could hear their laughter and thought it must be because I was not doing it right. Somehow in spite of my fear and feelings of terror I must have made it to the altar or gotten help from an adult but really the rest of the evening was somewhat of a blur. The dancing, the food, the laughter, the playing, all the remainder of the celebration somehow escaped me as a lingering feeling of anxiety robbed me from enjoying the moment. Today, having performed and been part of hundreds of weddings I can laugh at that little boy that was me but still relate well to that anxious feeling of not being perfect or not getting it right. How many times down through the years did I not fully enjoy the moment because of a sense of not being good enough or not measuring up to my standards of perfection or the erroneous thoughts of what other’s might be thinking about me.
A few years later I can still remember the first time I asked a girl to dance. I had not yet started my growth spurt and this girl of ten was taller and more fully developed. I kept thinking, “what on earth came over me that I would ask this girl to dance?” As I looked “UP” into her eyes as we started to dance I had this sinking feeling and suddenly felt like I had two left feet. I couldn’t even hear the music or keep count of my steps and I know I must have stepped on her feet. I was certain from the look in her eyes that “she must be laughing at me?” In my perception I was not measuring up to this, ”mature woman” of ten years of age! LOL. Again, I really don’t remember the remainder of the evening but I certainly remember that feeling of anxiety.
The Bible say’s “ Blessed is the people that know the joyful sound! They shall walk O Lord, in the light of Your countenance.” Psalm 89:15 How often have we not been able to enjoy the moment because we did not do something perfectly? How many special events did we lose or not fully enjoy because of our perceived failure? God desires to set us free from that anxious feeling, in fact He says in His word to be, “anxious for nothing but in everything give thanks,” Philippians 4:6. Lord let me hear the music, enjoy the dance and move forward even when I am not perfect or don’t feel up for the challenge. Let me enjoy all that You have for me and not let one moment of humanity rob me of the joy that You have prepared for my life. Yes, let me take what I do seriously but also have a more Godly perspective and not be so hard on myself or others. Help me to enjoy the dance and live my life to it’s fullest in Jesus Name, Amen.
Go In Peace, Go In Love, Go In Victory.